The Wonders of the Forums
by Tekurumoto
Summary: When you check out a random forum, what do you expect to find? Random people. What what happens, when these random people, make someone non-related to the forums, write a fanfiction about them? God knows what. Something comparable to My Immortal.


DISCLAIMER: This is to be considered a parody, and is to make fun of real life people or events, and is not to be taken personal. Any shippings, I do not take to heart and are there for humorous reasons. These may not even be accurate replications of personalities. I hope you enjoy!

-Your favorite trap, le Teku.

-0-0-0-0-0-START-0-0-0-0-

Snoring.

Yes, the sound of snoring is exactly how every grand adventure should start.

A young female sat in a chair of a maid cafe, fast asleep while face-planted into the table. A small collection of drool was seen on the table surface. Her generic school uniform was wrinkled as the females body arched over. Several dirtied plates were stacked up on the side of the table.

After an unmentioned amount of time passed, one of the maids came up to the table, wearing a concerned look upon her face. The maid lightly tapped the other females shoulder a few times, the later waking up with a start.

"Eh?"

"Ah, y-you've been sleeping here for over two hours, Mistress, it's a-about time you should leave..."

The maid spoke with a stutter, pulling back. However, at that moment, a male strode into the room facing towards the direction of the maid.

"There's no need, Ellie. He can stay."

With this, the maid named Ellie blinked with confusion. She glanced back to the other 'female', who was giving the man a dirty look, before turning her attention back to the male and bowing.

"Yes sir."

"You may leave us, now."

Ellie then turned on her heel, around, and promptly left the two.

He then took the seat opposite to the 'female', glancing around at the empty dishes.

"That was rather mean of you, Widum. I'm getting strange looks looks now..."

The pseudo female rested their chin on the table, grunting, and looking at the male named 'Widum'.

Widum softly clapped has hands together a few times, turning his head to the window to his right.

"It is only fairly. You make too many people flirt with you, Teku."

"I can't help it. It's they're fault for being immodest creatures!"

"You are a hypocrite."

"Takes one to know one!"

And with that, Widum face-palmed, as Teku held a triumphant smirk on his face.

Widum then too a look at his watch, before glancing back outside the window to view people heading off towards a direction.

Turning his attention back to Teku, he spoke in a slightly quieter voice.

"Wasn't there an important speech that Captain Zen was holding, regarding military changes and drills?"

"Who cares. I wanna eat some cake."

The two then ordered a cake, which was brought to them by Ellie.

-o-o-o-

Twenty minutes passed.

Widum was now leaving the front door, Teku following a few feet behind. The latter was seen brushing foot bits off of his skirt.

Glancing behind, Widum showed a slightly disturbed face at the other male.

"And do you have any plans of changing back to normal clothes?"

Teku looked back up to Widum, and smiled.

"What do you mean? These are my normal clothes!"

Widum sighed, pinching the ridge of his nose.

"Fine".

The two made their way to where the majority of the crowd seemed to be gathering.

At first, the speaking of the man at the microphone was inaudible, however, as the two came into view of the black haired male, wearing a blue military uniform, they began hearing his words.

"...And that is why, all female officers will be required to wear, tiny miniskirts!"

At this statement, half the crowd sweat-dropped, and the female behind Zen in a similar uniform face-palmed.

Widum clapped a few times, also sighing. Teku was in a giggle fit.

"And that is Zen for you."

"Zen-kun is always a pervert..."

Another two hours passed as Zen finished his speech, and the mayor of the town, Ian Shid, made his announcements for immediate changes, Teku charged forth away from Widum.

Widum, staring off at Teku with a mildly surprised face, saw him running off to Zen, who was getting ready to leave the area.

Zen, with the female by his side, was soon met with a glomping trap.

"Zen-kuuun...!"

"Ugh! That's Captain Zen, to you!"

"No! Zen-ku-!"

Teku was unable to finish his statement before getting slammed in the head by a metal rod by the female.

"Owie... That hurt, Riona..."

The apparently named Riona simply huffed, staring at Teku, giving another good wack at his head, as Zen pushed him off.

By this time, Widum caught up with the newly formed group, clapping once again towards the situation.

Zen got himself up, vigorously dusting off his uniform with both hands, before turning to Widum, and Teku, who was still rolling on the ground in pain.

"And what the heck are you guys doing here?"

Widum pointed down towards Teku.

"The trap couldn't contain itself."

"Grr..."

Zen then violently kicked Teku, who was partway on getting himself up, but got knocked back down again.

Sitting himself up, Teku then looked up to Zen with teary eyes.

"Focku!"

"No. Screw you."

Zen then kicked Teku again, and proceeded to turn the opposite way to walk leave.

However, Ian came over at the sight of heat, and immediately inquired.

"What're you guys doing?"

Teku suddenly stood up, taking hold of Ian's hands, and staring at him with watery eyes.

"Zen-kun's being mean to me! He won't go out on a da-"

Riona once again knocked Teku down with the rod, leaving Zen facepalming, and ian with a confused sweat-drop.

Widum then turned his attention to both Zen and Ian, ignoring the trap in pain.

"So. How's life?"

"Exquisitely lifey."

Ian took longer to respond, suddenly pulling out a clipboard with papers attached, flipping through a few papers.

"Actually, you guys might be fit for the job..."

Raising an eyebrow, Widum glanced at the papers in Ian's hands.

"Job...?"

"Yes. You've heard of James Garames, right?"

"Yes. He's a business owner at a mansion to the left of town, correct?"

"Correct."

Ian then flipped over another page, showing to Widum two pictures of people, a man titled 'James Garames', and to the right, was a woman who's name was Greensal Moner.

"I have already discussed this with Captain Zen and Miss. Forsyth. I require a small band to raid their place to look for special papers regarding plans they have. If you accept, I'll be sending you with Zen and Forsyth."

"...Um, okay."

Widum looked confused, looking back and forth between Ian and Zen. At the same time, Teku finally got himself up, and dusted his skirt off.

Ian then pointed a finger at Teku.

"Oh, um, what were your guy's names?"

At this, Teku overly excitedly turned to Ian, raising a hand.

"I'm Tekurumoto D. Delphic!"

"...Widum Hedron."

"Ah, I see. As you likely know, I'm Ian Shid. Now, is you'll excuse me, I must be getting somewhere. Zen will explain more to you."

Ian then swiftly left the group, packing his papers in a moderately sized bag.

Riona was seen prying Teku off of Zen again, Widum considering what was just said, before turning to Zen.

"So, uh... What is this about?"

Sighing heavily, Zen kicked off Teku again, straightening his uniform jacket, and turning towards Widum.

"Ugh, the mayor wants us to raid this guys house and blah blah wants us to find some papers about blah blah."

"...I can get about that much. Thanks."

Coughing, Riona spoke up.

"Shid wants us to find some papers regarding some illegal imports into the town, that may or may not bring danger to the rest of the town. Apparently, he just drafted the two of you into the small raid party."

"Party!"

Riona whacked Teku in the head once again.

"We will be stopping by Pawnus' place to pick up some small guns, and we should be meeting up with John Wally and MS there."

Widum nodded slightly, though Teku, standing back up again, spoke with a question.

"What kind of name is 'MS'?"

"It's a code-name or something. We have no clue what her real name is."

Zen then stepped forward, with a fist held up, speaking excitedly.

"I shall lead you all in this adventure!"

Riona face-palmed again, Widum clapping, and Teku fangirling as usual.

Before the group made their move, Ian walked some-what speedily back towards them.

"Um, I may need a place to head off to..."

Widum then pointed off to the east street.

"I own a maid cafe off over there. A maid named Ellie will provide for you."

"Ah, thanks. Farewell."

Ian nodded towards the group, and ran off again.

Riona grunted, turning back to Widum and Teku, sliding her rod into a holster.

"Shall we get going, then?"

"About bloody time!"

Zen yelled, starting to head off towards a seemingly random direction.

Shrugging, Widum flicked Teku's head to grab his attention, before following Zen and soon Riona.

-o-o-o-

About 15 minutes later, the group arrived at a building with a sign 'Nick's Macs'.

Zen roughly pushed open the doors, barging in rather heatedly.

"Hey, Nick!"

Upon the name being called, another male poked his head over the counter.

"Herro!"

"We gonna need some guns to break into-"

"That's what she said."

Zen then immediately face-palmed, shaking his head, as Teku burst out laughing. Widum sharply knocked Teku in the back of the head. Nick snickered.

Raising himself from his hand, Zen spoke again, in an almost pleading voice.

"Listen, Nick, can you just give us some guns?"

"That's what she said."

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Zen was face-palming with both hands now, making a mach-cry sound, Nick flashing what seemed to be a trollface to everyone.

Riona then stepped forward, bashing Nicks head with her rod.

After such, Nick complied, handing over the group a set of guns and a few knives. Zen was holding a rifle and pocket knife, Widum and Riona where given large pistols, and Teku was seen waving a Katana in the corner.

A younger girl came out of the back room, carrying her own rifle. She looked up to zen, and pointed to Widum and Teku.

"I heard about the mission, But who're these two?"

"Ugh, some weirdos. Don't ask. Ian's weird."

The girl nodded.

"Gotcha."

Riona stood forward, motioning a hand to refer to the younger girl, facing Widum.

"This is MS, whom Shid mentioned earlier. Wally should be with us shortly."

And as said, a few minutes later, another male walked into the building, presumably Wally, with a slightly rush.

"I apologize for my lateness..."

"You're fired!"

Zen pointed accusingly to Wally as he said this, an overly dramatic look of disdain.

Wally simply shook his head, taking another pistol and knife from the counter. He threw a confused look at Teku, but shrugged it off, merely muttering something about 'People these days...'.

Zen then mounted his rifle over his shoulder, turning to the rest of the group.

"Are you guys ready?"

Widum shrugged with a small nod, while MS, Wally, and Riona agreed. Teku assumingly agreed as well.

Zen, with Riona shortly beside, started to head off out of the door, the rest following.

-o-o-o-

After about an hour of walking across town, the group finally came to a large, fenced in building.

Zen walked over the the gate doors, tapping onto the lock.

"Ah, great, does anyone here know how to pick locks?!"

Everybody shook their heads. However, Teku raised a finger.

"I used to know how to pick locks, but now I don't."

Growling, Zen grabbed Teku's hair, and forcefully threw him into the gate, crashing it open. Teku was heard squealing at the impact.

Widumc clapped slowly, Wally sweat-dropping.

"Oh jeez..."

"Hey, it's effective!"

Zen dusted off his hands, and made his way past the gate, propping his gun readily in his hands.

Riona stepped close to the door the the large building, taking her rod to smash a few panes of the door glass. This allowed them to unlock the door from the inside.

MS was the first to sneak in, slightly crouched to her knees, and rifle posed SWAT style, Wally and Zen covered for higher backup.

Widum made his way in slower, pistol drawn, but mostly focused in dragging Teku ankle first into the building.

"It seems like it's clear here!"

MS called to the others, as they were now in the large, main hall of the complex.

Zen and Riona were preparing to head up the stairs to the upstairs offices, however, two spotlights suddenly turned on, pointing to the center of the large room.

In these spotlights, a man and a woman where seen, their faces resembling that to James Garames and Greensal Moner, seen in pictures prior.

Waving both arms wildly, James exclaimed.

"Oh, welcome to our wonderful residence!"

At this sudden appearance, Zen made an 'ack' sound, slipping on the stairs, and knocking Riona off balance. The others acted with mild surprise.

Greensal spoke next, point towards the group.

"Now, don't believe we will take your intrusion to our home so lightly!"

"Yes, there is a small price to pay..."

"We'll show you the true meaning of courtship!"

At this, Zen, Widum, MS and Wally groaned audibly, Riona face-palmed, and Teku giving a strange look.

"If you wish to continue your search search of our mansion, all you have to do, is spend time in our own personal Tunnal of Love!"

As James said this, Greensal was blowing kisses at random directions towards the group.

Zen was bending over slightly, motioning as if he was about to hurl.

Wally was shaking his head disapprovingly, making a mach-cough sound.

"Are you guys serious?"

"Oh, we've never been so serious!"

James spoke has as he twirled around Greensal, the side of the room beginning to lower, revealing a darkened tunnal and several pink, two seated floats on the tunnels water.

Zen, almost screaming, made a leap, and headed straight towards the door, until Riona, still holding her face with her left hand, grabbed the colalr of his shirt, and held him there.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Jesus, Zen, that hurt..."

Wally was then rubbing his ear after the long scream.

James and Greensal were right next to the tunnel now, Greensal waving her arms towards it.

"Now, hurry, or we'll have to have you disposed of!"

MS made another load groan, before complying, and slowly taking a seat in one of the pink floats. Wally awkwardly took the seat next to her.

Riona was forced to try Zen with thick rope, his arms to his side and legs straight, setting him in a float, and seating herself next to him.

"No! Let me go! I don't want anything to do with this!"

"Zen-kun! I'll save chuuu-"

As Teku was about to run towards Zen, Riona bashed him in the head with her rod again, leaving him, once again, on the floor squirming.

After Riona set herself, Widum carefully took another float, wearing a poker-face, as Teku sat down next to him.

"Well, this is awkward."

MS was seen horribly flushed, as Wally was scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"Can we just get this done with?"

"PLEASE."

Zen shouted again, fighting against the ropes.

James then leaned in towards them, holding a switch.

"Now, have fun, you lovers!~"

Pressing the button, the doors began to close, as the floats began to move forward slowly in the tunnel, Zens scream becoming fainter until they were inaudible.

-o-o-o-

Eight hours passed before the first float appeared at the end of the tunnel, holding Widum and Teku.

Widum was visibly shaken, however, maintained a somewhat calm composer.

Teku did not seem to have changed at all from when the ride first started, his face still in a poker-face. Though immediately after the float came to a stop, he faced Widum.

"That was fun! Lets do it again!"

Widum flashed a horrified face.

"Uh, no."

Widum quickly jumped out of the float, landing on solid ground. They weren't anywhere close to the mansion anymore.

Soon enough, Zen appeared out of the tunnel, swimming rapidly in the water, a horrified look plastered on his face.

"NEVER. AGAIN. UGH."

"Zen-kun, want to go again?!"

Zen stared at Teku with bitter hatred.

"FUDGE. NO."

"B-but don't you want to please me, Zen-kun?"

Teku was then thrown away, Zen connecting his booted foot into Teku's forehead, an audible crack from his skull rang through, leaving him unconscious.

Riona's float finally caught up shortly afterward, looking incredibly disturbed.

"The things in there were never meant for human eyes..."

Zen agreed, shaking his head roughly.

Widum then spoke up, rubbing his head from a migraine he obtained.

"Shall we go to my place, then?"

Riona and Zen both nodded in agreement, starting to head towards Widum's maid cafe.

After reaching Widum's cafe, the three entered the doors, being lead by a maid to a fitting table.

Ian was seen still in the cafe, seated in a wall seat next to Ellie, who had an awkward expression on her face. Ian waved over.

"How did it go for you guys?"

Riona sighed, while Zen groaned before answer.

"They're too strong for us. And never. NEVER. Send me there again."

"Ah, I see..."

Ian shook his head with slight disappointment, but seemed to cheer up after facing Ellie again.

Widum paused for a minute, feeling like he forgot something, before suddenly recalling.

"Hey, whatever happened to MS and Wally?"

Zen looked at Widum, then turned to to Riona.

"God knows what they were doing back there."

"...I'm not going to ask then."

The group then continued their light discussion, later being served a meal.

Teku was missing for 4 weeks before stumbling back into the town half-naked.

-o-o-o-

10 years later

-o-o-o-

Much time after the previously described event, Captain Zen was elected as mayor of the town. Riona was promoted to mayor assistant.

Widum's Maid Cafe grew and became a global chain of cafes. Every major city has a maid cafe.

Ian made an early retirement from his job as mayor. He became engaged to Ellie, who still works as a maid. He now runs as a manager to the original maid cafe.

MS and Wally had 21 kids. They are currently married.

Teku, after the falcon kick from Zen, had no recollection of the event. He started a company called Fluffy Pie Security.

Nick spent most of his time trolling 6 year olds on CoD.

THE. GLORIOUS. END.


End file.
